11/26 I keep putting it off

Ive had this typed up for a week and cant send it. And now it keep preventing me from making my announcement because I keep wanting you to be the first to see it. NOT THAT IT MATTERS. Like I invited you to my birthday past years and everything and you refused to come. You came days later, but werent there because mentally we prevent ourselves from making it easy to just enjoy each other. We have to make it so complicated that it is our path to stay away from each other because its the "right" thing to do for ourselves even though we want to be around each other and it feels right. I remember how nights next to you always felt best because we were in each others arms and those still happen to be my safe place. UGH WHY DO I STILL FEEL THIS WAY.